i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
