i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
