I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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