Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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