i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
