dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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