I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
