I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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