That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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