Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the day after is always just damage control
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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