I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
