I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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