i barfeds in our rink
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
