speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
