this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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