If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
