God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
