Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
