he wants to bone in the snuggie
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
