oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
This baby is an asshole
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
