you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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