You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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