I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
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