There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
