to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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