the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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