sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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