I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
