Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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