I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
