Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
