obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
