My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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