this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
