TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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