Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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