me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
