everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
