Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
