The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
