I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
