haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
