If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
