I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
