It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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