The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
