just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
