I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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