my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
