Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
