His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
