And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
