Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Im at strip club and am horny
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
